The Ecstatic Longing

In Stephen Levine's book, A Gradual Awakening, there is a chapter called Snaring Enlightenment.  I am interested in the last paragraph where he states  "...."not enlightened" and "enlightened" are both just thoughts.As we watch the mind, we see how shallow thought is because the movement of thought lies mostly in words.  But at a deeper level there is a movement in mind which can be experienced when we are no longer relying on words, when we're just experiencing.  At this level we experience an urge we could almost call a "homesickness for God," and ecstatic longing to come home, to return to the source, to be complete.  This is the unconditioned endlessness beyond mind, pure undifferentiated being."

I just returned from a four day visit with a family member who was lovingly placed in a " memory care" home.  That is a gentle way of saying end of life care for Alzheimer's patients, otherwise known as "residents."   The experience was breathtaking.  My particular family member had several "themes" that were revisited over and over again  prior to her memory slipping beyond her reach....and ours.  One theme in particular was accompanied by a deep unrelenting restlessness - it was the theme of "going home," the desire to return to the source so to speak, to be complete.

When I read Levine's view of "snaring enlightenment," I couldn't help but notice the similarity of "undifferentiated beings" and the many speechless, yes, wordless individuals who sat so still hour after hour waiting....in the "unconditional endlessness" of the moment.  Is this the deeper level of thought - the movement of mind beyond verbal communication?

In the book, The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, Anne Fadiman tells the story of Lia Lee, a young Hmong girl whose epilepsy was diagnosed in Merced, California. The title of Ms. Fadiman's book describes the Hmong translation of the word "epilepsy." 

In our culture, individuals who are touched by a "different" brain chemistry are referred to as "disordered."  The DSM IV is the psychiatric "bible" for the clinically inclined allopathic purveyors of healing.  Allopathy is defined as "the method of treating disease by the use of agents that produce effects different from those of the disease treated."

Unlike the Hmong, whose words, "the spirit catches you and you fall down" honor the epileptic experience as one of spirit and body (the mind is very much a part of the body), we in the West label brain "dysfunction" as particular disorders.  These labels often alienate us from ourselves, our families, and our communities.  We don't have the time, the money, the political imperative, or the support of our culture to care lovingly for the vast numbers of individuals whose spirits are differently abled due to a brain chemistry that is undeniably outside the norm.

I don't want to suggest here that I believe we should disregard the benefits of allopathic
medicine.  I do want to vigorously beseech our human community to entertain the possibility that we can honor those who suffer from a mental illness.  Whether it is Alzheimer's or Schizophrenia, Bi Polar or Dissociation, there is first and foremost an individual who sources from the heart and soul, not unlike everyone else.  

The "rambling" of psychosis can be terrifyingly astute.  An uncanny intuitive knowing is present - you think something and instantly the individual "hears" your thoughts and translates the truth for you - without those nice acceptable buffers we are so accustomed to.  There is a razor-like accuracy that lies at the core of a rage - it is undeniably difficult to hear it when standing in the face of the force with which it is delivered.  

Understanding metaphor is essential to understanding psychosis....and Alzheimer's and psychosis can be eerily similar.  Delusions, paranoia, visions, a brain whose chemistry has jumped the tracks of linear thinking and delivery.  There is always a
story lying beneath the spoken word.   Sitting with my 83 year old family member, following her every word - I could not fail to see that where ever her mind took her - it was her momentary reality.  And her awareness of me was almost a visceral recognition - she didn't really remember me, yet she knew me.  Reality is subjective - I have to admit it was really rather refreshing to set mine aside for a while and ride her wave - an endlessly entertaining, heart felt excursion to all manner of places.  I am so appreciative to have had the opportunity to see her in all her aliveness - rather than experiencing her as tragedy.  Illness is more than tragedy - it is another way of knowing.

I have wandered a bit here....I suppose what I really hope to convey here is this.  Whether Alzheimer's, or Schizoaffective Disorder, Epilepsy or Diabetes, Cancer or Heart Disease is the diagnosis.....first and foremost there is a person who deserves to be honored, heard, seen, loved, and cared for.  Can we as individuals and as a culture reach to the deeper level of mind - reach out to the spirit, the heart and soul that is part of the undifferentiated knowledge of being - can we tap into our humanity and reach beneath the labels to embrace the people whose spirits may catch them, taking them to places we don't recognize?